19. First Impressions

Dear readers,

I’ve never been this girl who believed in making the effort to give a good first impression. Yes, I’ll be nervous because I’ll be busy thinking (overthinking, sometimes) what that person is thinking about me and what judgements they make and what social classes they immediately put me under. But, that being said, I never make an attempt to go out there and be someone I’m not. Because, eventually everyone will be able to see through the bullshit and know who you truly are. So, why not be you, since day one?

I’m not that observant, if I’m honest. Like, I don’t pay attention to detail. Like I would just walk past you and not even realise you were there. Or I would not remember the colour of your clothes. Or I wouldn’t see that there is a paper on the floor with weird stuff written on it, until my friend points it out to me. Only if it’s something way out of the ordinary, then I pay attention to it. I often look at it from a “what am I going to do with knowing the colour of your t-shirt?” perspective. Which is why I would suck at giving alibi’s in case of some murder. The police officials would think I’m lying, but I genuinely would not have noticed. I’m trying to change this, though. I’m trying to be more observant, more aware of my surroundings.

I went to this interview once and I learnt something that stuck with me ever since. I’ve only been officially interviewed once. That too, to get into the college I’m currently studying at. I was extremely nervous because it was a ‘novel situation’. But, I remember going in to the hall, and once the conversation began, I remember losing all my fear and nervousness and cracking a joke about how my college and school are extremely similar because they belong to the same authorities. And once I walked out of the hall, I felt so good. I felt like I conquered it all 😀 Which should have taught me how to not be nervous for novel situations, but that’s something I still haven’t found a solution to. But this interview, taught me something else. Something that I have been believer of, since that day. Something that I’m explaining in this blog. This interview taught me that whether it’s your first impression or your last, make sure you are who you are. It’s okay if people judge you. It’s okay if they never want to speak with you. You’ll eventually find the people who are as crazy as you and don’t mind having someone like you in their lives. Don’t change who you are, to fit in. Don’t try to fit in. Don’t try to prove a point. Don’t try to showcase your plus points, just to hide your negatives. And do not be ashamed of your negatives. Which is one among the reasons, I don’t “try” to make a good first impression. Yes, the fear of thinking what the other person is thinking about me will always be there. But, that doesn’t affect me in any way. That doesn’t make me want to change who I am, as an individual. So what, if they label me?

And if I’m being completely honest, every first impression I have ever had about an individual has never been completely true. So, I have in a way stopped consciously trying to judge someone based on the first time, I meet them. It happens automatically, because it’s human tendency to try to categorise the individual into social groups to try to understand the individual. But since most of my judgements have been a fail, I give everyone the opportunity to show me who they truly are. And most of the time, the first impressions I’ve had have been completely different from what they actually turn out to be. There are usually more positives than the negatives, which shows how deceptive first impressions can be. So no, I don’t believe in first impressions. Have a great week, ahead.

Realistic Beginner.

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