69. Restocking(!)

Dear readers,

This blog is just to restock my assets, see what’s what and how I’m currently feeling. That includes what can be done to improve how I am feeling or what I should avoid doing.

Not much is happening with my life. I’m still waiting on those four colleges. For the past month my goals were not met. I was getting irritated with everybody. My friends have started getting placed into different colleges/offices and they’ve already started going for regular classes or to work. I’m not going to lie, it did begin to hurt and I’d immediately began internalising it and I started feeling insecure. I felt like people around me had started putting me down and they were busy trying to prove how I’m wrong and how they’re right and since I personally lacked confidence I’d started being loud and rude because I felt like nobody wanted to listen to me and that the walls are closing in on me. I was on social media for the majority of the days. I’d began comparing myself to much more beautiful looking girls and I started feeling insecure and not self-assured. I’m beginning to put on weight and that is demotivating me. Now that I’m beginning to study again, I’m immersing myself in this feeling of guilt and irritation. I needed a break.

As for more recently these past 5-6 days, I got my much needed mental break. I watched a new season of a show that I like. I met a couple of my close friends. I got to go out of the house which I didn’t think I needed. It felt good. I played pool for the first time today. I was probably doing a lot of things wrong, but I did thoroughly enjoy playing it. I did win that match against my friend which felt good. At least I was winning at something 😛 I can’t wait for the opportunity to play again and get the proper hang of it. I’d love to get to play regularly if that’s at all possible.

Right now, I cannot really afford to make proper plans. At least till August, I’m unsure of who I am and where I am going to be studying. So, I cannot re-join the gym or continue my violin classes or go for new classes. But I did join three online certificate courses which start at the end of July. It’s very convenient as it doesn’t really matter where I am during those months since it’s online. That’s the only “future plans” I’ve made. I cannot wait to begin those classes. I went out of my comfort zone and I am about to learn something that I’ve been meaning to learn for as long as I can remember.

I have like roughly half a month left for preparations for a particular exam for a college I most want to get into. It’s doable. I need to commit myself to studying and keeping my physical and mental well-being in-check.

Back to where I am now and what I should and will be doing at least for the next 20-25 days: studying, practising MCQs, working out at home or going for a walk, eating, sleeping, occasionally playing a game or two and will be trying to not feel demotivated or dejected. At least that is the plan. You’ll know from my next few blogs how successfully this plan was executed.

Hope you guys are doing well. I’d love to know what you’ve been doing and how you’ve been feeling. I’m eternally grateful for you lot out there who read and share your thoughts on my blog. I’ll see you the in the next blog which hopefully contains more surety than this one does. Have a good week and a lovely weekend.

Realistic Beginner.


21 thoughts on “69. Restocking(!)

  1. I will be praying for you! Hey have you heard the song by Josh Wilson “Dream Small,” I think it is amazing. Write, write, write. Pray and listen to God’s leading with college, career and daily life. Blessings to you!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. All the very best for the important exam you are preparing for. God be with you
    I am good at helping and guiding children and young adults. And my services are completely free. If at any time you need a new perspective or guidance pls feel free to get in touch with me.

    Liked by 1 person

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