January was by far the most stressful month of my life. Stressful in terms of being anxious, afraid and majorly sleep deprived. I have no regrets. I don’t hate January for being so stressful. Would I have enjoyed it better if I didn’t have anxiety attacks? Sure. Would I have liked to sleep better? Definitely. But still, I have no regrets.
I think it’s gotten to the point where (I know it’s not a thing but) I’m emotionally self harming myself by putting myself through this vicious cycle of:
I want to be better – something bad happens – I think of all the negative outcomes – I start panicking – I end up having an anxiety/panic attack – things go haywire from there – it takes almost more than 15 days to get back to normalcy – I want to be better – something bad/stressful happens again.
And honestly, I don’t know how to get out of it.
BUT. On the positive note, a few AMAZING things happened in January like:
- I hit 2K followers on my blog. From the bottom of my heart, thank you to every single one of you who hit follow. Means the world to me.
- I got some clarity about what I can possibly end up doing after my post-graduation.
- I got an invite for my bachelor’s graduation/convocation. It kinda sucked because I thought I wouldn’t be able to go, but by the end of the month, I finally could confirm that I can go for my bachelor’s graduation. I’ll be getting my degree on February 11th. Even though there are a few complications, I am so so excited about that. Because it’s my graduation day and it’s the day that is going to make feel like I’ve done something worthwhile and have done some pretty cool things. And plus, I get to wear the graduation robe and cap.
- I met my professors who have taught me so much and mean the world to me.
- I have become more confident in terms of what I want to say and I’m still trying to still learn how to properly say everything in a way that wouldn’t hurt others.
- Academically, I have learnt so much and seen so many new cases and patients and I’m learning a lot from this one professor who patiently explains every single question of mine.
- I don’t know if it’s a good thing but I’m becoming more empathetic and I’m liking it.
- I have to thank the people in my life for being through this with me this entire month, I know I may have left them feeling helpless, but them just being there for me without any judgements, opinions and understanding what I was going through (without expecting that I’d act normal) meant the world to me.
- I did bunk a few classes which seemed exciting and fun.
- I also went to a pub and a restobar for the first time with my parents and that’s pretty dope.
- And lastly, my brother came home after what felt like a decade.
Exactly why I meant that I have no regrets. There’s always a silver lining. We just have to have the patience to wait for it and realise it. It’s already February. But the first two days of February I spent in college, I felt bad, I cried and I went out with my mom. So tomorrow is the third. I’m not going to be able to be hyper and fully positive because I’ll be getting less sleep tonight. But from tomorrow, I’m changing a few things. The first few days is going to be hard, I agree. But, I’ll learn to adjust to it.
Hope you had an amazing month. Please do tell me about your month in the comment section below and your views about this blog in general. Have a great February and an amazing week ahead. I personally am very excited for this month.