Today is day 71 (28th May 2020) of staying home. I did not have the mental space to sit and blog about anything in these last 30 days. After my last blog, everything went downhill. I didn’t have the mental space to do anything.
I was in a zombie zone – getting done with all the assignments due. I didn’t feel confident. I took a lot on my plate irrespective of having assignments due. I started panicking.
I became extremely negative about everyone and everything. After my family and friends explained it to me – I realised what I was doing. I started panicking about panicking, and I think that until today I was in panic mode.
I stopped panicking today. I thought I’ll write a blog and try to bring back some level of normalcy and colour – into my life.
It may seem like I am getting carried away and thinking about the future – but I have always been the person to plan the future. So I have started working on my “goal”. But this time – I won’t be telling/sharing what I have in mind. I feel like I’m jinxing it by talking about it or announcing it.
The people extremely close to me know that I’m starting to prepare. I guess there’s no need for X, Y or Z to know about every decision I’m making and the process. I’m only talking about it here because I need to document this time in my life.
So that when I look back and read my blogs – I hope I have a sense of “little did she know how her life is about to change”. Yes – I am a bit of an idealist.
Well – coming back to the now – I’m much better. I have six assignments that are still pending. I am soon interning again. So I’ll be a part of 2 internships – which seems fun. The aim in June would be dedicating as much time as I can for studying. Nothing else.
I’m adopting the retrospective mindset. I’ll explain more about it when I see it working because again – I don’t want to speak too soon. Before June begins, I want to finish my pending assignments – so I can focus on studying and my internship work (assuming my college doesn’t resume in June).
With regards to creativity, blogging, social media and playing games – I’ve stopped engaging in such activities. I log into my social media accounts only when I want to upload something. I barely scroll through my feeds nowadays.
I barely read the news – I read it only when it pops up as a notification. I realised that there is something called “too much” social media. One thing I did do – was to cook a lot – even if it was to make the same dish over and over again.
Hope you all are doing well. I have a lot of catching up to do. I’m sending you all loads of love and positive vibes.