95. Day 23

Dear Readers,

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Today is day 23 (April 10, 2020) of being at home. These three days feel so bizarre and abnormal. I didn’t really do much. I started reading a book, and I played a few games on my phone.

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^ I worked on my mandala for a couple of hours. This is the second mandala I have ever attempted. But, I did like the way it turned out. There are a lot of mistakes in this mandala as well, though. I did lose patience quite a few times and was often hasty. Maybe as I practice more of these, I’ll get better. I am sticking to the basic designs because I don’t know how to draw complicated ones, yet.

I’m still struggling with my sleep schedule, and I don’t know what to do about it.

But I’m thoroughly enjoying reading a book and not really doing much. I finally feel like the pressure is off. The need for trying to make every minute of the day count. I think I’ve finally made my peace with not being productive every minute of every day. I’m enjoying watching YouTube vlogs and listening to podcasts.

I’ve also realised that I can pass the time very easily. It’s just this feeling of not doing “productive things” that got to me.

What are you all doing?

How have you all been passing the time?

I hope all of you are safe and healthy in your house. I hope you’re all washing your hands regularly and are all practising social distancing.

I hope you’re all not wasting water because we don’t want this pandemic to lead to another worldwide natural disaster: water scarcity. I hope you’re all exercising at home.

And I hope you all are avoiding touching your eyes, nose or mouth.

I understand that it can get a little irritating.

It can feel like you’re stuck within four walls but try to focus on the positives and work on yourself and better yourself so we can all fight this together and resume our lives as soon as possible.

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

94. Day 20 (Fifth Blogiversary)

Dear Readers,

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Today is the 20th day (April 7th) of being home. But today is a special day. Today marks the 5th anniversary (or should I say blogiversary) of Realistic Beginner. I started blogging on April 7th, 2016.

You won’t be able to read the blogs I wrote in the first two years because I deleted them as I thought that they’re not something I wanted to remain published and I wanted to give my blog and myself mentally, a fresh start.

That is also around the time I started numbering my blogs starting from blog #1. I’ll be writing my hundredth blog in a few days.

It is quite surreal if I’m honest. I knew that I enjoyed writing. I can get lost in the rhythm of typing each letter on the keyboard. I am fully aware of that.

On the other hand, I also didn’t expect myself to be comfortable with sharing my life on the internet. I’m also fully aware of how this blog as a whole can be seen as something negative or something positive.

But, if I’m honest, I absolutely love how engaging and beautiful it feels when I write something in this blog. I get mind-blowing comments that make me think more. I love the time I take to write a blog. It is absolutely therapeutic.

I love how my fellow bloggers always take their time to read my blogs and comment about it. I’m thankful for every one of you 2000+ people who follow me and keep sending me emails. I love reading what you all have to say.

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

Today was a lazy day. All I did was sleep. I’ll read something for a while. Then I’ll go back to sleep. Not really going to do anything today.

I hope all of you are safe and healthy in your house. I hope you’re all washing your hands regularly and are all practising social distancing.

I hope you’re all not wasting water because we don’t want this pandemic to lead to another worldwide natural disaster: water scarcity. I hope you’re all exercising at home.

And I hope you all are avoiding touching your eyes, nose or mouth.

I understand that it can get a little irritating.

It can feel like you’re stuck within four walls but try to focus on the positives and work on yourself and better yourself so we can all fight this together and resume our lives as soon as possible.

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

93. Day 19

Dear Readers,

WhatsApp Image 2020-04-06 at 17.12.50Today is day 19 (April 6th). My sleep cycle has been completely turned upside down. I fall asleep at 4 in the morning, and I don’t wake up before 12 in the afternoon.

I need to adjust my sleep cycle again. I feel like I’m losing out on a lot of time. I feel like I’m not getting enough sleep. I need to work on that as well.

Lately, I’ve been feeling so tired. I don’t feel like doing anything. I feel guilty for not doing as much as I wish to. I think this feeling has a lot to do with my sleep.

The amount and quality of sleep I get effect my everyday mood. The goal of this week is to get quality sleep.

I have a few ideas coming up for this blog as I’m close to writing my 100th blog. I’ll be changing a few things.

I’ll try to make it a little more interesting. I think I finally found my niche in blogging. This is something that I’m interested in.

This is something that gives me an identity in the blogging community, which I personally needed because I need things to be black and white.

I keep trying until I find the answer and until things are black and white. It took me five years and 100 blog-posts to discover my niche.

I’m glad I took this time to experiment with my blogs and find something that excites me. Now I am going to spend some more time to learn more about my niche.

Obviously, I’m also going to be figuring out how this works as and when I post more. But, I want to at least try to learn more about this particular niche, which will help me create a rough mind map about what I want to do next.

I’ve also started reading again. It feels like I haven’t read a book properly ever. I also decided that instead of reading fiction books, I’m going to attempt reading Psychology-related books.

This way, I’m learning something related to my subject and getting into the habit of reading.

I’m not going to able to post many pictures because I didn’t click as many. I had fifteen pics that I thought I’d post.

I assumed that I’ll have time to click more pictures by the time I post these. But coronavirus and being stuck at home (like everybody) changed my plans.

I might share some mandala drawings or calligraphy attempts, soon. I’m currently working on my second mandala right now. Let’s see how that turns out.

I hope all of you are safe and healthy in your house. I hope you’re all washing your hands regularly and are all practising social distancing.

I hope you’re all not wasting water because we don’t want this pandemic to lead to another worldwide natural disaster: water scarcity. I hope you’re all exercising at home.

And I hope you all are avoiding touching your eyes, nose or mouth.

I understand that it can get a little irritating.

It can feel like you’re stuck within four walls but try to focus on the positives and work on yourself and better yourself so we can all fight this together and resume our lives as soon as possible.

What do you plan on working on this week?

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

92. Day 15

Dear Readers,

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My day 15 of self-quarantine was by far the most productive day I’ve had. I had this one chore pending for at least 9-10 months. I finally sat down and organised all my notes and UG files subject-wise. My room cleaning is officially 80% done. There are a few things that I want to shuffle around and organise them better. I’m glad I can finally strike that chore from my to-do list.

There are a few notes that I’ve scribbled on various sheets of paper. I wanted to write it down in one notebook. I’m done with 30% of the writing. I also had a few college works that I wanted to get done before going to bed.

Unfortunately, I then found out that my paternal grand uncle had passed away. I didn’t really get the chance to do anything else. My grand uncle has given my family and me so much to laugh about. He’ll always be remembered.

I hope all of you are safe, healthy and in your homes. I hope you’re all washing your hands regularly and are all practising social distancing. I hope you’re all not wasting water because we don’t want this pandemic to lead to another worldwide natural disaster: water scarcity. I hope you’re all exercising at home. And I hope you all are avoiding touching your eyes, nose or mouth.

I understand that it can get a little irritating. It can feel like you’re stuck within four walls but try to focus on the positives and work on yourself and better yourself so we can all fight this together and resume our lives as soon as possible.

How are you all doing?

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

91. Day 14

Dear Readers,

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Today is the start of a new month. I did get a chance to turn a new leaf and change my whole mindset about how this month is going to be. I have a whole month free. I can do so much. I’m going to be so disappointed in myself if I don’t grab this golden opportunity and make the best use of my time.

Today is day 14 (April 1st, 2020). #happy420. I woke up a little later than usual. I cleaned, cooked and ate. I’ve been tired the whole day. I can feel my body hurting because of the workout. My body needs to get adjusted to these workouts. I also need to learn to sleep better. I’m finding it difficult to fall asleep before 4 am and I feel like that’s not right!

I spent some time on JK Rowling’s wizarding world website. I am so happy to say that I officially belong to the Gryffindor House. I watched a few Youtube videos. I am so tired that I can’t even gather the courage to get out of bed and do something. I’m sorry if the blog seems dry. The blog might seem dry because my day is dry and uninteresting.

I had a few negative thoughts today. I’m trying not to ruminate on them. I’ll try doing something else or watch something instead of just rolling in bed and making it worse by overthinking.

I hope all of you are safe, healthy and in your homes. I hope you’re all washing your hands regularly and are all practising social distancing. I hope you’re all not wasting water because we don’t want this pandemic to lead to another worldwide natural disaster: water scarcity. I hope you’re all exercising at home. And I hope you all are avoiding touching your eyes, nose or mouth.

I understand that it can get a little irritating. It can feel like you’re stuck within four walls but try to focus on the positives and work on yourself and better yourself so we can all fight this together and resume our lives as soon as possible.

How is your day going? What do you plan on doing in April? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not ignoring the epidemic and acting as though there is nothing to be worried about. I’m asking for your plans for this month now that you’ll be home.

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

 

81. How My January Went

Blog Post

Dear readers,

January was by far the most stressful month of my life. Stressful in terms of being anxious, afraid and majorly sleep deprived. I have no regrets. I don’t hate January for being so stressful. Would I have enjoyed it better if I didn’t have anxiety attacks? Sure. Would I have liked to sleep better? Definitely. But still, I have no regrets.

I think it’s gotten to the point where (I know it’s not a thing but) I’m emotionally self harming myself by putting myself through this vicious cycle of:

I want to be better – something bad happens – I think of all the negative outcomes – I start panicking – I end up having an anxiety/panic attack – things go haywire from there – it takes almost more than 15 days to get back to normalcy – I want to be better – something bad/stressful happens again.

And honestly, I don’t know how to get out of it.

BUT. On the positive note, a few AMAZING things happened in January like:

  1. I hit 2K followers on my blog. From the bottom of my heart, thank you to every single one of you who hit follow. Means the world to me.
  2. I got some clarity about what I can possibly end up doing after my post-graduation.
  3. I got an invite for my bachelor’s graduation/convocation. It kinda sucked because I thought I wouldn’t be able to go, but by the end of the month, I finally could confirm that I can go for my bachelor’s graduation. I’ll be getting my degree on February 11th. Even though there are a few complications, I am so so excited about that. Because it’s my graduation day and it’s the day that is going to make feel like I’ve done something worthwhile and have done some pretty cool things. And plus, I get to wear the graduation robe and cap.
  4. I met my professors who have taught me so much and mean the world to me.
  5. I have become more confident in terms of what I want to say and I’m still trying to still learn how to properly say everything in a way that wouldn’t hurt others.
  6. Academically, I have learnt so much and seen so many new cases and patients and I’m learning a lot from this one professor who patiently explains every single question of mine.
  7. I don’t know if it’s a good thing but I’m becoming more empathetic and I’m liking it.
  8. I have to thank A, A, M, D, N and P for being through this with me this entire month, I know I may have left them feeling helpless, but them just being there for me without any judgements, opinions and understanding what I was going through (without expecting that I’d act normal) meant the world to me.
  9. I did bunk a few classes which seemed exciting and fun.
  10. I also went to a pub and a restobar for the first time with my parents and that’s pretty dope.
  11. And lastly, my brother came home after what felt like a decade.

Exactly why I meant that I have no regrets. There’s always a silver lining. We just have to have the patience to wait for it and realise it. It’s already February. But the first two days of February I spent in college, I felt bad, I cried and I went out with my mom. So tomorrow is the third. I’m not going to be able to be hyper and fully positive because I’ll be getting less sleep tonight. But from tomorrow, I’m changing a few things. The first few days is going to be hard, I agree. But, I’ll learn to adjust to it.

Hope you had an amazing month. Please do tell me about your month in the comment section below and your views about this blog in general. Have a great February and an amazing week ahead. I personally am very excited for this month.

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

80. Goodbye 2019

Dear Readers,

Today’s the 31st of December, 2019. I wanted to write a blog on Sunday like I normally do but I thought I’ll write it on the last day of the year. Well, the year 2019 has had a lot of downs but an equal number of ups as well.

It’s been a year of extremities. I’ve either been extremely happy or I’ve been extremely unhappy. Looking back, I honestly don’t know how I feel about this year. I hate it but I also love it. I can’t make up my mind. But what I do know and honestly believe that I’m okay with whatever happened. I made my peace with it. I did learn a lot of things from both, the bad and the good experiences. I learnt how I want to live my life next year and what I want to avoid doing the next year.

This year has been a lot of firsts for me and I love that I did those things irrespective of how fearful it may have seemed. They are definitely the highlights of my year and they are without a shadow of a doubt my most cherished memories of this year. These things are the reason why my year doesn’t seem that bad. I woke up this morning and I was ecstatic about who aren’t in my life anymore and who still are.

This next year is going to be crazily tough if certain things don’t happen. I sincerely hope and wish that what I want to happen should happen. I’ll be heartbroken if it doesn’t. I know it’s silly to have such fixed expectations but I need them to happen. Either plan A or plan B. Let’s see how the year 2020 unfolds.

I will be writing a list of things I will work to change everyday of the year in my personal journal. I will also be writing a list of things I want to achieve in the year 2020. Thank you C, P, A, A, L, K, P, P, S, D, T, M, J, R, L, A, V and M for being in my life. Some of them played a role only for like a part of the year and some of them have stayed throughout and they’re still a major part of my life. (to maintain discretion I’ve used the starting letter of their names)

Hope you all have an amazing year ahead. I hope your year did go well. What is it that you learnt from the year 2019 and what do you feel about the new year?

With loads of love and best wishes I wish you all a very happy new year.

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.