95. Day 23

Dear Readers,

WhatsApp Image 2020-04-10 at 17.07.31

Today is day 23 (April 10, 2020) of being at home. These three days feel so bizarre and abnormal. I didn’t really do much. I started reading a book, and I played a few games on my phone.

WhatsApp Image 2020-04-10 at 17.05.54.jpeg

^ I worked on my mandala for a couple of hours. This is the second mandala I have ever attempted. But, I did like the way it turned out. There are a lot of mistakes in this mandala as well, though. I did lose patience quite a few times and was often hasty. Maybe as I practice more of these, I’ll get better. I am sticking to the basic designs because I don’t know how to draw complicated ones, yet.

I’m still struggling with my sleep schedule, and I don’t know what to do about it.

But I’m thoroughly enjoying reading a book and not really doing much. I finally feel like the pressure is off. The need for trying to make every minute of the day count. I think I’ve finally made my peace with not being productive every minute of every day. I’m enjoying watching YouTube vlogs and listening to podcasts.

I’ve also realised that I can pass the time very easily. It’s just this feeling of not doing “productive things” that got to me.

What are you all doing?

How have you all been passing the time?

I hope all of you are safe and healthy in your house. I hope you’re all washing your hands regularly and are all practising social distancing.

I hope you’re all not wasting water because we don’t want this pandemic to lead to another worldwide natural disaster: water scarcity. I hope you’re all exercising at home.

And I hope you all are avoiding touching your eyes, nose or mouth.

I understand that it can get a little irritating.

It can feel like you’re stuck within four walls but try to focus on the positives and work on yourself and better yourself so we can all fight this together and resume our lives as soon as possible.

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

94. Day 20 (Fifth Blogiversary)

Dear Readers,

WhatsApp Image 2020-04-07 at 21.27.08

Today is the 20th day (April 7th) of being home. But today is a special day. Today marks the 5th anniversary (or should I say blogiversary) of Realistic Beginner. I started blogging on April 7th, 2016.

You won’t be able to read the blogs I wrote in the first two years because I deleted them as I thought that they’re not something I wanted to remain published and I wanted to give my blog and myself mentally, a fresh start.

That is also around the time I started numbering my blogs starting from blog #1. I’ll be writing my hundredth blog in a few days.

It is quite surreal if I’m honest. I knew that I enjoyed writing. I can get lost in the rhythm of typing each letter on the keyboard. I am fully aware of that.

On the other hand, I also didn’t expect myself to be comfortable with sharing my life on the internet. I’m also fully aware of how this blog as a whole can be seen as something negative or something positive.

But, if I’m honest, I absolutely love how engaging and beautiful it feels when I write something in this blog. I get mind-blowing comments that make me think more. I love the time I take to write a blog. It is absolutely therapeutic.

I love how my fellow bloggers always take their time to read my blogs and comment about it. I’m thankful for every one of you 2000+ people who follow me and keep sending me emails. I love reading what you all have to say.

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

Today was a lazy day. All I did was sleep. I’ll read something for a while. Then I’ll go back to sleep. Not really going to do anything today.

I hope all of you are safe and healthy in your house. I hope you’re all washing your hands regularly and are all practising social distancing.

I hope you’re all not wasting water because we don’t want this pandemic to lead to another worldwide natural disaster: water scarcity. I hope you’re all exercising at home.

And I hope you all are avoiding touching your eyes, nose or mouth.

I understand that it can get a little irritating.

It can feel like you’re stuck within four walls but try to focus on the positives and work on yourself and better yourself so we can all fight this together and resume our lives as soon as possible.

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

93. Day 19

Dear Readers,

WhatsApp Image 2020-04-06 at 17.12.50Today is day 19 (April 6th). My sleep cycle has been completely turned upside down. I fall asleep at 4 in the morning, and I don’t wake up before 12 in the afternoon.

I need to adjust my sleep cycle again. I feel like I’m losing out on a lot of time. I feel like I’m not getting enough sleep. I need to work on that as well.

Lately, I’ve been feeling so tired. I don’t feel like doing anything. I feel guilty for not doing as much as I wish to. I think this feeling has a lot to do with my sleep.

The amount and quality of sleep I get effect my everyday mood. The goal of this week is to get quality sleep.

I have a few ideas coming up for this blog as I’m close to writing my 100th blog. I’ll be changing a few things.

I’ll try to make it a little more interesting. I think I finally found my niche in blogging. This is something that I’m interested in.

This is something that gives me an identity in the blogging community, which I personally needed because I need things to be black and white.

I keep trying until I find the answer and until things are black and white. It took me five years and 100 blog-posts to discover my niche.

I’m glad I took this time to experiment with my blogs and find something that excites me. Now I am going to spend some more time to learn more about my niche.

Obviously, I’m also going to be figuring out how this works as and when I post more. But, I want to at least try to learn more about this particular niche, which will help me create a rough mind map about what I want to do next.

I’ve also started reading again. It feels like I haven’t read a book properly ever. I also decided that instead of reading fiction books, I’m going to attempt reading Psychology-related books.

This way, I’m learning something related to my subject and getting into the habit of reading.

I’m not going to able to post many pictures because I didn’t click as many. I had fifteen pics that I thought I’d post.

I assumed that I’ll have time to click more pictures by the time I post these. But coronavirus and being stuck at home (like everybody) changed my plans.

I might share some mandala drawings or calligraphy attempts, soon. I’m currently working on my second mandala right now. Let’s see how that turns out.

I hope all of you are safe and healthy in your house. I hope you’re all washing your hands regularly and are all practising social distancing.

I hope you’re all not wasting water because we don’t want this pandemic to lead to another worldwide natural disaster: water scarcity. I hope you’re all exercising at home.

And I hope you all are avoiding touching your eyes, nose or mouth.

I understand that it can get a little irritating.

It can feel like you’re stuck within four walls but try to focus on the positives and work on yourself and better yourself so we can all fight this together and resume our lives as soon as possible.

What do you plan on working on this week?

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

92. Day 15

Dear Readers,

WhatsApp Image 2020-04-03 at 15.11.01

My day 15 of self-quarantine was by far the most productive day I’ve had. I had this one chore pending for at least 9-10 months. I finally sat down and organised all my notes and UG files subject-wise. My room cleaning is officially 80% done. There are a few things that I want to shuffle around and organise them better. I’m glad I can finally strike that chore from my to-do list.

There are a few notes that I’ve scribbled on various sheets of paper. I wanted to write it down in one notebook. I’m done with 30% of the writing. I also had a few college works that I wanted to get done before going to bed.

Unfortunately, I then found out that my paternal grand uncle had passed away. I didn’t really get the chance to do anything else. My grand uncle has given my family and me so much to laugh about. He’ll always be remembered.

I hope all of you are safe, healthy and in your homes. I hope you’re all washing your hands regularly and are all practising social distancing. I hope you’re all not wasting water because we don’t want this pandemic to lead to another worldwide natural disaster: water scarcity. I hope you’re all exercising at home. And I hope you all are avoiding touching your eyes, nose or mouth.

I understand that it can get a little irritating. It can feel like you’re stuck within four walls but try to focus on the positives and work on yourself and better yourself so we can all fight this together and resume our lives as soon as possible.

How are you all doing?

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

91. Day 14

Dear Readers,

WhatsApp Image 2020-04-01 at 17.51.21

Today is the start of a new month. I did get a chance to turn a new leaf and change my whole mindset about how this month is going to be. I have a whole month free. I can do so much. I’m going to be so disappointed in myself if I don’t grab this golden opportunity and make the best use of my time.

Today is day 14 (April 1st, 2020). #happy420. I woke up a little later than usual. I cleaned, cooked and ate. I’ve been tired the whole day. I can feel my body hurting because of the workout. My body needs to get adjusted to these workouts. I also need to learn to sleep better. I’m finding it difficult to fall asleep before 4 am and I feel like that’s not right!

I spent some time on JK Rowling’s wizarding world website. I am so happy to say that I officially belong to the Gryffindor House. I watched a few Youtube videos. I am so tired that I can’t even gather the courage to get out of bed and do something. I’m sorry if the blog seems dry. The blog might seem dry because my day is dry and uninteresting.

I had a few negative thoughts today. I’m trying not to ruminate on them. I’ll try doing something else or watch something instead of just rolling in bed and making it worse by overthinking.

I hope all of you are safe, healthy and in your homes. I hope you’re all washing your hands regularly and are all practising social distancing. I hope you’re all not wasting water because we don’t want this pandemic to lead to another worldwide natural disaster: water scarcity. I hope you’re all exercising at home. And I hope you all are avoiding touching your eyes, nose or mouth.

I understand that it can get a little irritating. It can feel like you’re stuck within four walls but try to focus on the positives and work on yourself and better yourself so we can all fight this together and resume our lives as soon as possible.

How is your day going? What do you plan on doing in April? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not ignoring the epidemic and acting as though there is nothing to be worried about. I’m asking for your plans for this month now that you’ll be home.

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

 

89. Day Seven: “The Double Door”

Dear readers,

On day 7 (March 25th, 2020) of being at home, I woke up quite early than usual. I immediately started cleaning as I’d mentioned on day four. So, I got everything out from one particular section in my room and I reorganised and cleaned that bit which I thoroughly enjoyed doing. I’ll do one one portion each day.

In my room, I’m done with the most messiest section and I’m assuming that the rest of them won’t take more than a day or 2 days maximum. And then I wrote my blog, watched a few episodes of Money Heist, had dinner and watched 2 more episodes and I’m done with season 1 of the show.

 Picture for the blog:

WhatsApp Image 2020-03-23 at 20.05.07

This picture has the same story as the one mentioned in day five and six and is clicked from the same place. I really really enjoy that spot. That’s one spot in my college that I miss the most. Just like trees, I also have a thing for doors.

I recently had this idea of personifying things. I’d done this as an activity in school but I haven’t thought of it since then until recently. I wanted to attempt it again. And today since I chose door as the picture of today’s blog, I thought I’d attempt personifying a door.

The Double Door: 

Carl and Kathy have always been the hinged flexible portal,
Who are so open minded, unprejudiced and are so so cordial.

They both let people in as and when needed,
Irrespective of how badly they’re banged, scratched, pushed or treated.

Carl and Kathy often have to unlock, open and split up,
He hates it when it happens because it almost feels like a breakup.

They let anyone in with a key or the knack to push them apart,
The love of his life is now temporarily away from his heart.

Kathy is also hurt by the separation but sees it as her way,
Of doing good and her compulsive need to matter and to obey.

They’re both ecstatic once closed again and locked together,
Their unity leaves them promising each other for an always and a forever. 

I’m new to poetry and I just saw this free time as an opportunity to get better at all the things I always wanted to try. Poetry was once among them. I hope you liked the personification of the door. Please do share your thoughts in the comment section below.

I really hope all of you are safe, healthy and in your homes. I hope you’re all washing your hands regularly. I hope you’re all practising social distancing. I hope you’re all not wasting water because we don’t want this pandemic to lead to another worldwide natural disaster: water scarcity. I hope you’re exercising at home (even if it’s a light workout). And I hope you all are avoiding touching your eyes, nose or mouth.

I understand that it can get a little irritating and feel like you’re locked within four walls, but try to focus on the positives and work on yourself and better yourself so we can all fight this together and resume our lives as soon as possible.

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

88. Day Five And Six

Dear Readers,

On day 5 and 6 of being at home (23rd and 24th March, 2020) nothing much happened again. On day 6 of being at home, India’s Prime Minister made another speech declaring a nationwide lockdown for the next 21 days starting on 25th March, 12am! This just made everything a hell of a lot more weird and scary.

I know I’m home and the people I know are also safe in their respective homes but it just feels weird. I also started watching the show Money Heist properly. I’d already seen a few episodes here and there and I know the story till season 2, but I want to properly watch it scene by scene. I’m done with the first 8 episodes and my oh my is it good.

For picture of the blog, I selected this picture: WhatsApp Image 2020-03-23 at 20.05.07 (1)

This picture was taken 3 years back in the college where I had done my Bachelor’s. I remember vividly that my college had organised an event and I participated in the photography contest wherein each participant has to go around the campus and click a picture of something that they like. This blog’s picture and the next blog’s (that I’ll be uploading) picture are from my favourite place in the campus. It was the most calming, quiet and serene place in the campus. I’d love sitting there and just thinking whenever I get the chance to.

I love nature and I love trees. I love everything about them. I love how trees instantly make the place more beautiful. I ended up not winning the contest but that day is something I’ll never forget because I had so much fun walking around the campus and clicking pictures of anything that seemed appealing to me.

I just realised that I should do it more often because I want to be that happy again. Clicking pictures and videos and editing them are something I’d do for a living. But I always wanted to take a more interesting and slightly more challenging subject and keep photography, blogging, writing and drawing as my hobby, as something I can run to and escape to when I needed to get away from my work and my studies. I honestly don’t know if I made the right decision but it is working for me so far and I hope it continues to do so.

Well that’s it for today. I didn’t blog yesterday because I didn’t want to do anything. I spent hours watching Money Heist which I thoroughly enjoyed. How are you all doing? What are your views on my blog?

I really hope all of you are safe, healthy and in your homes. I hope you’re all washing your hands regularly. I hope you’re all practising social distancing. I hope you’re all not wasting water because we don’t want this pandemic to lead to another worldwide natural disaster: water scarcity. I hope you’re exercising at home (even if it’s a light workout). And I hope you all are avoiding touching your eyes, nose or mouth.

I understand that it can get a little irritating and feel like you’re locked within four walls, but try to focus on the positives and work on yourself and better yourself so we can all fight this together and resume our lives as soon as possible.

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

86. Day Three

WhatsApp Image 2020-03-19 at 18.16.16 (2)Dear Readers,

On my day three of being in the house, I again didn’t do much. Didn’t do any of the cleaning that I’d planned to do. But I did cook, which was a fun thing to do. I realised that I should want to cook for often. I had a lot of fun on instagram yesterday! There were three things going around.

The first one was a nomination wherein all the women I knew were posting selfies of themselves and showing their support towards empowering women and doing their bit instead of criticising them. It was a beautiful thing going around despite all the cons of feminism and arguments like self-objectification.

The second and third one were also nominations where I was expected to take a screenshot of my friend’s instagram story and add to it by drawing an orange and a carrot and tagging a few more people, just for the lols. It was quite fun to do.

And then I wrote my blog and spent a couple of hours responding to comments, which was quite interesting. I love responding to comments. I had a good time with my family last night and I enjoyed the conversation I had.

I actually planned on posting something today along with my daily update of what I’m doing but it’s taking a little longer to write and I’m getting tired with the work at home. Hopefully by tomorrow, I should be done with the write up and should be able to post it along with tomorrow’s blog.

With regards to COVID-19, there was a massive and the biggest one day jump in the number of cases in India. We’ve reached the 300th mark for the number of cases. It does seem to be getting a little bit more scary. (i’m writing this blog on Sunday and today many cities are on lockdown as time passes by). The city that I’m in will also be on lockdown till March 31st. It’s a scary time and I really hope that everyone are in their homes and are staying safe and are taking the necessary precautions.

With loads of love and regards,
Realistic Beginner.

85. Day Two

WhatsApp Image 2020-03-19 at 18.16.16 (1)Dear Readers,

I think I will stick to the daily pattern of blogging followed by most bloggers. I’ll post about a particular day the next day so I can blog about the whole day and not miss out about the later part of the day and what I’m doing then.

The featured picture of this blog was taken ages ago and I love this picture so much. Just looking at this picture puts me at ease instantly. I understand that I’m not really that great at clicking pictures but I’m learning everyday and I’m trying to get better at them.

My day two of being quarantined was extremellyyyyyyy boring. There were moments in the day where I literally just sat down and stared at the wall not knowing what to do. I did a few chores in the house though and I cleaned my bookshelf. I arranged my bookshelf in accordance to the books I want to finish reading by the end of this year. Which I hopefully do. I spent hours on the phone talking to my close friends which was fun and something I enjoyed a lot. I still have a lot of things to do but I’m just procrastinating them so I can do them slowly everyday.

I realised something really important. I mean I always knew the importance of properly worded sentences but I never really implemented it in my life for some reason. I have always been the one who just says things abruptly without really worrying about the consequences or understanding how that would impact another human being. Because I was always under the impression that I’m telling them what I feel, unfiltered.

I learnt yesterday how important it is for a human being to form properly worded sentences and how important it is to not put your feelings on another human feeling because feelings are subjective. They are not truly fully responsible for making you feel the way you do. You have a hand to play in your own feelings as well. It is important to let the other person understand how you’re feeling and you’re entitled to let them know how you feel, but that’s about it. It was quite cool that I understood this yesterday!

I hope things get better soon. What are you all doing at home? What do you think about this blog? Leave your views in the comment section below. Hope you all are safe and are not ill. Take care and be happy!

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

84. Day One

WhatsApp Image 2020-03-19 at 18.16.16Dear Readers,

To be honest the last few days were spent panicking about my attendance because of the number of sick leaves I’d taken and sorting out the notes I’d missed. I was internally going through two issues that took me a while understand. When I finally did, I didn’t speak about it with anyone and I kept it to myself.

I could slowly start seeing the change in my behaviour because I was getting more and more frustrated with everyone around me. And I didn’t like that I was changing. So what I did was I said both those issues to people I trust. And to be honest that was so bloody liberating. I’m so so glad that I finally opened up and told someone what I’m feeling. My biggest fear now is that nothing will be done now that I opened up about it.

Apart from that, you all obviously know about the CoronaVirus. You all understand how scary this is. I hope you all are safe and are taking all the precautionary measures. I hope you or nobody you know are affected by it. I’m sorry if they are and I hope they get better soon.

Since I live in India, the number of people infected are luckily quite less in comparison to a few other countries. I hope the numbers don’t change and start reducing in India and the rest of the world.

So I had college till yesterday (mainly because I’m a part of a medical college) and from today till at least the end of this month, I won’t have to go to college.

I was kinda gutted that I’ll have to stay home because it’s been so long since I’ve stayed at home and not done anything especially for this long. I’ve only stayed at home if I was ill or if I had to study. And honestly I was a little scared because I didn’t want to face my thoughts that I’ve conveniently chosen to suppress all along. But last night, I got a bit drunk and I spoke it all out which lead to my second paragraph of this blog post. It was so liberating and I slept like a baby!

Today is officially my first day of being in the house. I woke a little late. Went to a bookstore and bought a couple of books. Came back and had a tummy filling lunch. I literally sat with the phone on my bed for at least 6 hours and I ended up feeling guilty because I didn’t do much. I watched the Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s address to the nation regarding COVID-19.

I have a lot of things to do, I procrastinated them all and ended up doing nothing. It was by far the most boring day I’ve had in a long time. I hope things get better soon. And I hope I learn to fight the boredom and fight for things in general.

That’s all for today. Please tell me how things are at your place and how are you doing in the comment section below. Stay safe and try to be as healthy as possible. Loads of love and positive vibes being sent your way.

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

81. How My January Went

Blog Post

Dear readers,

January was by far the most stressful month of my life. Stressful in terms of being anxious, afraid and majorly sleep deprived. I have no regrets. I don’t hate January for being so stressful. Would I have enjoyed it better if I didn’t have anxiety attacks? Sure. Would I have liked to sleep better? Definitely. But still, I have no regrets.

I think it’s gotten to the point where (I know it’s not a thing but) I’m emotionally self harming myself by putting myself through this vicious cycle of:

I want to be better – something bad happens – I think of all the negative outcomes – I start panicking – I end up having an anxiety/panic attack – things go haywire from there – it takes almost more than 15 days to get back to normalcy – I want to be better – something bad/stressful happens again.

And honestly, I don’t know how to get out of it.

BUT. On the positive note, a few AMAZING things happened in January like:

  1. I hit 2K followers on my blog. From the bottom of my heart, thank you to every single one of you who hit follow. Means the world to me.
  2. I got some clarity about what I can possibly end up doing after my post-graduation.
  3. I got an invite for my bachelor’s graduation/convocation. It kinda sucked because I thought I wouldn’t be able to go, but by the end of the month, I finally could confirm that I can go for my bachelor’s graduation. I’ll be getting my degree on February 11th. Even though there are a few complications, I am so so excited about that. Because it’s my graduation day and it’s the day that is going to make feel like I’ve done something worthwhile and have done some pretty cool things. And plus, I get to wear the graduation robe and cap.
  4. I met my professors who have taught me so much and mean the world to me.
  5. I have become more confident in terms of what I want to say and I’m still trying to still learn how to properly say everything in a way that wouldn’t hurt others.
  6. Academically, I have learnt so much and seen so many new cases and patients and I’m learning a lot from this one professor who patiently explains every single question of mine.
  7. I don’t know if it’s a good thing but I’m becoming more empathetic and I’m liking it.
  8. I have to thank A, A, M, D, N and P for being through this with me this entire month, I know I may have left them feeling helpless, but them just being there for me without any judgements, opinions and understanding what I was going through (without expecting that I’d act normal) meant the world to me.
  9. I did bunk a few classes which seemed exciting and fun.
  10. I also went to a pub and a restobar for the first time with my parents and that’s pretty dope.
  11. And lastly, my brother came home after what felt like a decade.

Exactly why I meant that I have no regrets. There’s always a silver lining. We just have to have the patience to wait for it and realise it. It’s already February. But the first two days of February I spent in college, I felt bad, I cried and I went out with my mom. So tomorrow is the third. I’m not going to be able to be hyper and fully positive because I’ll be getting less sleep tonight. But from tomorrow, I’m changing a few things. The first few days is going to be hard, I agree. But, I’ll learn to adjust to it.

Hope you had an amazing month. Please do tell me about your month in the comment section below and your views about this blog in general. Have a great February and an amazing week ahead. I personally am very excited for this month.

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

80. Goodbye 2019

Dear Readers,

Today’s the 31st of December, 2019. I wanted to write a blog on Sunday like I normally do but I thought I’ll write it on the last day of the year. Well, the year 2019 has had a lot of downs but an equal number of ups as well.

It’s been a year of extremities. I’ve either been extremely happy or I’ve been extremely unhappy. Looking back, I honestly don’t know how I feel about this year. I hate it but I also love it. I can’t make up my mind. But what I do know and honestly believe that I’m okay with whatever happened. I made my peace with it. I did learn a lot of things from both, the bad and the good experiences. I learnt how I want to live my life next year and what I want to avoid doing the next year.

This year has been a lot of firsts for me and I love that I did those things irrespective of how fearful it may have seemed. They are definitely the highlights of my year and they are without a shadow of a doubt my most cherished memories of this year. These things are the reason why my year doesn’t seem that bad. I woke up this morning and I was ecstatic about who aren’t in my life anymore and who still are.

This next year is going to be crazily tough if certain things don’t happen. I sincerely hope and wish that what I want to happen should happen. I’ll be heartbroken if it doesn’t. I know it’s silly to have such fixed expectations but I need them to happen. Either plan A or plan B. Let’s see how the year 2020 unfolds.

I will be writing a list of things I will work to change everyday of the year in my personal journal. I will also be writing a list of things I want to achieve in the year 2020. Thank you C, P, A, A, L, K, P, P, S, D, T, M, J, R, L, A, V and M for being in my life. Some of them played a role only for like a part of the year and some of them have stayed throughout and they’re still a major part of my life. (to maintain discretion I’ve used the starting letter of their names)

Hope you all have an amazing year ahead. I hope your year did go well. What is it that you learnt from the year 2019 and what do you feel about the new year?

With loads of love and best wishes I wish you all a very happy new year.

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.