97. Day 40

Dear readers,

WhatsApp Image 2020-04-20 at 15.34.50

Today is day 40 (27th April 2020) of lockdown. I don’t know where to begin or what to tell you all. This week went so fast that it was almost like I didn’t live this week. I did a lot of work. Have quite a few online assignments coming up in the next 15 days.

The building opposite my building had a COVID-19 case, so they’ve sealed the streets. We are under complete lockdown. Essential items and groceries are something we’re getting delivered. We’re practising complete isolation for at least another week.

I read more this week than I have in the last five years. Even though I had a lot of work to do, this week was quite chill. I got to play cards with my family. Every weekend I get to play tambola (Indian bingo or lottery-style board game) with my family over a video call.

I need to devote more time to reading, calligraphy, violin-playing and mandala-drawing along with my work and college assignments. Balancing: is what I need to learn and implement.

I managed to take out my DSLR after almost three years and started experimenting with it again. I need to go back to my basics and get started right from scratch.

Oh, I baked a cake (just like everyone is doing right now) this week. It came out a little bit hard so I’ll try another one this week, hoping it will come out a bit better.

I finally got my PS out and played for around 3 hours this week. Sadly, only one game is working properly, so I don’t have an option to play anything but that. It’s a game I love dearly, so I don’t mind. Here again, I deleted my previous achievements, and I’m playing from scratch because I’ve lost touch.

Well, these are the things that are currently happening in my life. My sleep cycle is finally under control, and I’m getting enough sleep.

I hope all of you are safe and healthy in your house. I hope you’re all washing your hands regularly and are all practising social distancing.

I hope you’re all not wasting water because we don’t want this pandemic to lead to another worldwide natural disaster: water scarcity. I hope you’re all exercising at home.

I understand that it can get a little irritating.

It can feel like you’re stuck within four walls but try to focus on the positives and work on yourself and better yourself so we can all fight this together and resume our lives as soon as possible.

What do you plan on working on this week?

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

96. Day 31

Dear Readers,

Today is day 31 (18th April 2020). I was quite busy this week and had a lot to do. This week was probably the most productive I’ve been so far during this lockdown period.

This has nothing to do with me wanting to make the best use of the time given to me. This has to do with my own need to be productive. So, don’t think that I am restricting myself to not “have fun”.

As weird as it sounds, I love working. Work is fun for me. Be it my college work or like work in general. The only thing that often gets to me is the time factor. I need to figure out how to balance all this “work” so that I can get equal preference to each “work”.

So currently working on the “balancing” aspect is what I need to do this weekend. I did take some time this week to do some calligraphy work.

WhatsApp Image 2020-04-18 at 20.10.19

I’m still learning and, I made a lot of mistakes as you can see. But I enjoyed writing it. I’m a little afraid to do it more regularly because I’ll run out of ink soon. I’ll focus more on the mandalas.

I could have not posted this and waited for a good picture (when I write a good one) to post. But, I thought that posting this picture will give you an idea of where I’m starting off from and hopefully when I do get better, you’ll see the difference as well. If any of you are into calligraphy, I’d love it if you could give me tips on how I can improve and whether it’s okay to use ink (that’s used for regular ink pens) for practice (keeping in mind that I’ll soon be running out of ink that I’ve been told is used for calligraphy)?

I’m learning a lot from the writing work that I’ve recently gotten myself into. It’s helping me learn more about another field, and it’s helping me become a better writer. I love what I’m doing. But again, I need to learn how to balance this work and the other aspects of my life (I don’t mean watching TV shows, because that has never been a priority for me).

I haven’t created a monthly to-do list so far. I’m going to make an almost half-month plan starting from Monday. Now that I can’t make any excuses of “having a lot of work to do”, I hope I can do all the tasks every day.

On a different note, my college extended the leave until 17th May and the country lockdown has been extended for 2 more weeks. But, our online classes start on Monday, which is going to be fun, I hope. 

Hope you’re all safe and doing the things that you’re supposed to be doing. Staying at home is not only required for your own safety but for everyone in the world collectively. It’s beautiful how the majority of us are staying home and doing their bits.

Not to mention the commendable work by all the front liners in various roles is risking their lives for us collectively. I don’t think we’ll ever be able to repay the work their doing (irrespective of a few individuals saying that “it’s their job” or “they chose this profession” or “we’re clapping and appreciating them”).

I hope all of you can see the positive side of this rather than focusing on the negatives. (I know it can be easier said than done, but please do try). If you just want to talk my comment section and email (if you want to talk privately) is always available for all of you.

How are you all doing? It’s been a week since I came online on WordPress, and I already feel like I missed out on a lot of new content. I hope to read more and write more often. Stay home and stay love. Sending loads of love and positivity your way!

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

95. Day 23

Dear Readers,

WhatsApp Image 2020-04-10 at 17.07.31

Today is day 23 (April 10, 2020) of being at home. These three days feel so bizarre and abnormal. I didn’t really do much. I started reading a book, and I played a few games on my phone.

WhatsApp Image 2020-04-10 at 17.05.54.jpeg

^ I worked on my mandala for a couple of hours. This is the second mandala I have ever attempted. But, I did like the way it turned out. There are a lot of mistakes in this mandala as well, though. I did lose patience quite a few times and was often hasty. Maybe as I practice more of these, I’ll get better. I am sticking to the basic designs because I don’t know how to draw complicated ones, yet.

I’m still struggling with my sleep schedule, and I don’t know what to do about it.

But I’m thoroughly enjoying reading a book and not really doing much. I finally feel like the pressure is off. The need for trying to make every minute of the day count. I think I’ve finally made my peace with not being productive every minute of every day. I’m enjoying watching YouTube vlogs and listening to podcasts.

I’ve also realised that I can pass the time very easily. It’s just this feeling of not doing “productive things” that got to me.

What are you all doing?

How have you all been passing the time?

I hope all of you are safe and healthy in your house. I hope you’re all washing your hands regularly and are all practising social distancing.

I hope you’re all not wasting water because we don’t want this pandemic to lead to another worldwide natural disaster: water scarcity. I hope you’re all exercising at home.

And I hope you all are avoiding touching your eyes, nose or mouth.

I understand that it can get a little irritating.

It can feel like you’re stuck within four walls but try to focus on the positives and work on yourself and better yourself so we can all fight this together and resume our lives as soon as possible.

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

94. Day 20 (Fifth Blogiversary)

Dear Readers,

WhatsApp Image 2020-04-07 at 21.27.08

Today is the 20th day (April 7th) of being home. But today is a special day. Today marks the 5th anniversary (or should I say blogiversary) of Realistic Beginner. I started blogging on April 7th, 2016.

You won’t be able to read the blogs I wrote in the first two years because I deleted them as I thought that they’re not something I wanted to remain published and I wanted to give my blog and myself mentally, a fresh start.

That is also around the time I started numbering my blogs starting from blog #1. I’ll be writing my hundredth blog in a few days.

It is quite surreal if I’m honest. I knew that I enjoyed writing. I can get lost in the rhythm of typing each letter on the keyboard. I am fully aware of that.

On the other hand, I also didn’t expect myself to be comfortable with sharing my life on the internet. I’m also fully aware of how this blog as a whole can be seen as something negative or something positive.

But, if I’m honest, I absolutely love how engaging and beautiful it feels when I write something in this blog. I get mind-blowing comments that make me think more. I love the time I take to write a blog. It is absolutely therapeutic.

I love how my fellow bloggers always take their time to read my blogs and comment about it. I’m thankful for every one of you 2000+ people who follow me and keep sending me emails. I love reading what you all have to say.

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

Today was a lazy day. All I did was sleep. I’ll read something for a while. Then I’ll go back to sleep. Not really going to do anything today.

I hope all of you are safe and healthy in your house. I hope you’re all washing your hands regularly and are all practising social distancing.

I hope you’re all not wasting water because we don’t want this pandemic to lead to another worldwide natural disaster: water scarcity. I hope you’re all exercising at home.

And I hope you all are avoiding touching your eyes, nose or mouth.

I understand that it can get a little irritating.

It can feel like you’re stuck within four walls but try to focus on the positives and work on yourself and better yourself so we can all fight this together and resume our lives as soon as possible.

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

93. Day 19

Dear Readers,

WhatsApp Image 2020-04-06 at 17.12.50Today is day 19 (April 6th). My sleep cycle has been completely turned upside down. I fall asleep at 4 in the morning, and I don’t wake up before 12 in the afternoon.

I need to adjust my sleep cycle again. I feel like I’m losing out on a lot of time. I feel like I’m not getting enough sleep. I need to work on that as well.

Lately, I’ve been feeling so tired. I don’t feel like doing anything. I feel guilty for not doing as much as I wish to. I think this feeling has a lot to do with my sleep.

The amount and quality of sleep I get effect my everyday mood. The goal of this week is to get quality sleep.

I have a few ideas coming up for this blog as I’m close to writing my 100th blog. I’ll be changing a few things.

I’ll try to make it a little more interesting. I think I finally found my niche in blogging. This is something that I’m interested in.

This is something that gives me an identity in the blogging community, which I personally needed because I need things to be black and white.

I keep trying until I find the answer and until things are black and white. It took me five years and 100 blog-posts to discover my niche.

I’m glad I took this time to experiment with my blogs and find something that excites me. Now I am going to spend some more time to learn more about my niche.

Obviously, I’m also going to be figuring out how this works as and when I post more. But, I want to at least try to learn more about this particular niche, which will help me create a rough mind map about what I want to do next.

I’ve also started reading again. It feels like I haven’t read a book properly ever. I also decided that instead of reading fiction books, I’m going to attempt reading Psychology-related books.

This way, I’m learning something related to my subject and getting into the habit of reading.

I’m not going to able to post many pictures because I didn’t click as many. I had fifteen pics that I thought I’d post.

I assumed that I’ll have time to click more pictures by the time I post these. But coronavirus and being stuck at home (like everybody) changed my plans.

I might share some mandala drawings or calligraphy attempts, soon. I’m currently working on my second mandala right now. Let’s see how that turns out.

I hope all of you are safe and healthy in your house. I hope you’re all washing your hands regularly and are all practising social distancing.

I hope you’re all not wasting water because we don’t want this pandemic to lead to another worldwide natural disaster: water scarcity. I hope you’re all exercising at home.

And I hope you all are avoiding touching your eyes, nose or mouth.

I understand that it can get a little irritating.

It can feel like you’re stuck within four walls but try to focus on the positives and work on yourself and better yourself so we can all fight this together and resume our lives as soon as possible.

What do you plan on working on this week?

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

92. Day 15

Dear Readers,

WhatsApp Image 2020-04-03 at 15.11.01

My day 15 of self-quarantine was by far the most productive day I’ve had. I had this one chore pending for at least 9-10 months. I finally sat down and organised all my notes and UG files subject-wise. My room cleaning is officially 80% done. There are a few things that I want to shuffle around and organise them better. I’m glad I can finally strike that chore from my to-do list.

There are a few notes that I’ve scribbled on various sheets of paper. I wanted to write it down in one notebook. I’m done with 30% of the writing. I also had a few college works that I wanted to get done before going to bed.

Unfortunately, I then found out that my paternal grand uncle had passed away. I didn’t really get the chance to do anything else. My grand uncle has given my family and me so much to laugh about. He’ll always be remembered.

I hope all of you are safe, healthy and in your homes. I hope you’re all washing your hands regularly and are all practising social distancing. I hope you’re all not wasting water because we don’t want this pandemic to lead to another worldwide natural disaster: water scarcity. I hope you’re all exercising at home. And I hope you all are avoiding touching your eyes, nose or mouth.

I understand that it can get a little irritating. It can feel like you’re stuck within four walls but try to focus on the positives and work on yourself and better yourself so we can all fight this together and resume our lives as soon as possible.

How are you all doing?

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

91. Day 14

Dear Readers,

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Today is the start of a new month. I did get a chance to turn a new leaf and change my whole mindset about how this month is going to be. I have a whole month free. I can do so much. I’m going to be so disappointed in myself if I don’t grab this golden opportunity and make the best use of my time.

Today is day 14 (April 1st, 2020). #happy420. I woke up a little later than usual. I cleaned, cooked and ate. I’ve been tired the whole day. I can feel my body hurting because of the workout. My body needs to get adjusted to these workouts. I also need to learn to sleep better. I’m finding it difficult to fall asleep before 4 am and I feel like that’s not right!

I spent some time on JK Rowling’s wizarding world website. I am so happy to say that I officially belong to the Gryffindor House. I watched a few Youtube videos. I am so tired that I can’t even gather the courage to get out of bed and do something. I’m sorry if the blog seems dry. The blog might seem dry because my day is dry and uninteresting.

I had a few negative thoughts today. I’m trying not to ruminate on them. I’ll try doing something else or watch something instead of just rolling in bed and making it worse by overthinking.

I hope all of you are safe, healthy and in your homes. I hope you’re all washing your hands regularly and are all practising social distancing. I hope you’re all not wasting water because we don’t want this pandemic to lead to another worldwide natural disaster: water scarcity. I hope you’re all exercising at home. And I hope you all are avoiding touching your eyes, nose or mouth.

I understand that it can get a little irritating. It can feel like you’re stuck within four walls but try to focus on the positives and work on yourself and better yourself so we can all fight this together and resume our lives as soon as possible.

How is your day going? What do you plan on doing in April? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not ignoring the epidemic and acting as though there is nothing to be worried about. I’m asking for your plans for this month now that you’ll be home.

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

 

89. Day Seven: “The Double Door”

Dear readers,

On day 7 (March 25th, 2020) of being at home, I woke up quite early than usual. I immediately started cleaning as I’d mentioned on day four. So, I got everything out from one particular section in my room and I reorganised and cleaned that bit which I thoroughly enjoyed doing. I’ll do one one portion each day.

In my room, I’m done with the most messiest section and I’m assuming that the rest of them won’t take more than a day or 2 days maximum. And then I wrote my blog, watched a few episodes of Money Heist, had dinner and watched 2 more episodes and I’m done with season 1 of the show.

 Picture for the blog:

WhatsApp Image 2020-03-23 at 20.05.07

This picture has the same story as the one mentioned in day five and six and is clicked from the same place. I really really enjoy that spot. That’s one spot in my college that I miss the most. Just like trees, I also have a thing for doors.

I recently had this idea of personifying things. I’d done this as an activity in school but I haven’t thought of it since then until recently. I wanted to attempt it again. And today since I chose door as the picture of today’s blog, I thought I’d attempt personifying a door.

The Double Door: 

Carl and Kathy have always been the hinged flexible portal,
Who are so open minded, unprejudiced and are so so cordial.

They both let people in as and when needed,
Irrespective of how badly they’re banged, scratched, pushed or treated.

Carl and Kathy often have to unlock, open and split up,
He hates it when it happens because it almost feels like a breakup.

They let anyone in with a key or the knack to push them apart,
The love of his life is now temporarily away from his heart.

Kathy is also hurt by the separation but sees it as her way,
Of doing good and her compulsive need to matter and to obey.

They’re both ecstatic once closed again and locked together,
Their unity leaves them promising each other for an always and a forever. 

I’m new to poetry and I just saw this free time as an opportunity to get better at all the things I always wanted to try. Poetry was once among them. I hope you liked the personification of the door. Please do share your thoughts in the comment section below.

I really hope all of you are safe, healthy and in your homes. I hope you’re all washing your hands regularly. I hope you’re all practising social distancing. I hope you’re all not wasting water because we don’t want this pandemic to lead to another worldwide natural disaster: water scarcity. I hope you’re exercising at home (even if it’s a light workout). And I hope you all are avoiding touching your eyes, nose or mouth.

I understand that it can get a little irritating and feel like you’re locked within four walls, but try to focus on the positives and work on yourself and better yourself so we can all fight this together and resume our lives as soon as possible.

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

88. Day Five And Six

Dear Readers,

On day 5 and 6 of being at home (23rd and 24th March, 2020) nothing much happened again. On day 6 of being at home, India’s Prime Minister made another speech declaring a nationwide lockdown for the next 21 days starting on 25th March, 12am! This just made everything a hell of a lot more weird and scary.

I know I’m home and the people I know are also safe in their respective homes but it just feels weird. I also started watching the show Money Heist properly. I’d already seen a few episodes here and there and I know the story till season 2, but I want to properly watch it scene by scene. I’m done with the first 8 episodes and my oh my is it good.

For picture of the blog, I selected this picture: WhatsApp Image 2020-03-23 at 20.05.07 (1)

This picture was taken 3 years back in the college where I had done my Bachelor’s. I remember vividly that my college had organised an event and I participated in the photography contest wherein each participant has to go around the campus and click a picture of something that they like. This blog’s picture and the next blog’s (that I’ll be uploading) picture are from my favourite place in the campus. It was the most calming, quiet and serene place in the campus. I’d love sitting there and just thinking whenever I get the chance to.

I love nature and I love trees. I love everything about them. I love how trees instantly make the place more beautiful. I ended up not winning the contest but that day is something I’ll never forget because I had so much fun walking around the campus and clicking pictures of anything that seemed appealing to me.

I just realised that I should do it more often because I want to be that happy again. Clicking pictures and videos and editing them are something I’d do for a living. But I always wanted to take a more interesting and slightly more challenging subject and keep photography, blogging, writing and drawing as my hobby, as something I can run to and escape to when I needed to get away from my work and my studies. I honestly don’t know if I made the right decision but it is working for me so far and I hope it continues to do so.

Well that’s it for today. I didn’t blog yesterday because I didn’t want to do anything. I spent hours watching Money Heist which I thoroughly enjoyed. How are you all doing? What are your views on my blog?

I really hope all of you are safe, healthy and in your homes. I hope you’re all washing your hands regularly. I hope you’re all practising social distancing. I hope you’re all not wasting water because we don’t want this pandemic to lead to another worldwide natural disaster: water scarcity. I hope you’re exercising at home (even if it’s a light workout). And I hope you all are avoiding touching your eyes, nose or mouth.

I understand that it can get a little irritating and feel like you’re locked within four walls, but try to focus on the positives and work on yourself and better yourself so we can all fight this together and resume our lives as soon as possible.

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

87. Day Four

Dear Readers,

Before I begin my blog, I would like to thank for Gail loves God so kindly nominating me for the Sunshine Blogger Award . It means a lot. Though I would not be participating, it feels so nice to be nominated. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

(Technically you’ll be reading two blogs of mine on the same day. Apologies for that. I’d written the blog yesterday, but for some reason, I did not click publish so it got saved as a draft. So, I’m going to start mentioning dates along with the daily blogs to make it easier for me and to avoid confusion!)

This is day four of being in the house (22nd March, 2020). I woke up quite late which I didn’t really have the luxury to do in the last 9-10 months. So I enjoyed sleeping in. I cooked a little. I cleaned a little. Lazed around a little. One important thing I did was clean my study table. I feel like I need to empty my whole room and clean it, only then will I get the satisfaction of my room being clean. Which I shall do soon 😛

I panicked a bit for the first time. People I know were travelling home and the fact that they were going to be in the airport and on the plane scared me a bit. I didn’t want my brother to come back home and luckily slowly all borders are being shut down so I’m glad India is taking drastic steps little by little to control the spread of the virus. I think it was the first time it hit me. Which was a very unpleasant feeling.

As for picture of the day, I selected this:

WhatsApp Image 2020-03-23 at 20.05.07 (2)

I took this picture approximately a year back when I was trying to get placed in a particular college. I love lights like this. I’m generally a person who LOVES light. I’m a little bit of an extreme when we’re talking about lights. Either I want a well-lit room (preferably white light alone or white and yellow light mixed) or absolutely no light at all. But a few light bulbs are so pretty to look at and are so aesthetically pleasing. This light bulb is a perfect example of that. I’d posted this picture on my personal instagram account along with a small 4-line poem that I’d written that to me seemed to fit this picture perfectly. I’d like to include that small poem as well here.

The poem goes like this:

“Things are not going the way I wanted them to
  I may be rotting on the floor feeling all blue
  You could say that I’m biting off more than I can chew
  But I’m not stopping until I see it all through.” 

Hope y’all liked today’s blog. What’s up with you? Leave your views in the comment section below. Hope you’re all safe and are taking the necessary precautions.

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

86. Day Three

WhatsApp Image 2020-03-19 at 18.16.16 (2)Dear Readers,

On my day three of being in the house, I again didn’t do much. Didn’t do any of the cleaning that I’d planned to do. But I did cook, which was a fun thing to do. I realised that I should want to cook for often. I had a lot of fun on instagram yesterday! There were three things going around.

The first one was a nomination wherein all the women I knew were posting selfies of themselves and showing their support towards empowering women and doing their bit instead of criticising them. It was a beautiful thing going around despite all the cons of feminism and arguments like self-objectification.

The second and third one were also nominations where I was expected to take a screenshot of my friend’s instagram story and add to it by drawing an orange and a carrot and tagging a few more people, just for the lols. It was quite fun to do.

And then I wrote my blog and spent a couple of hours responding to comments, which was quite interesting. I love responding to comments. I had a good time with my family last night and I enjoyed the conversation I had.

I actually planned on posting something today along with my daily update of what I’m doing but it’s taking a little longer to write and I’m getting tired with the work at home. Hopefully by tomorrow, I should be done with the write up and should be able to post it along with tomorrow’s blog.

With regards to COVID-19, there was a massive and the biggest one day jump in the number of cases in India. We’ve reached the 300th mark for the number of cases. It does seem to be getting a little bit more scary. (i’m writing this blog on Sunday and today many cities are on lockdown as time passes by). The city that I’m in will also be on lockdown till March 31st. It’s a scary time and I really hope that everyone are in their homes and are staying safe and are taking the necessary precautions.

With loads of love and regards,
Realistic Beginner.

85. Day Two

WhatsApp Image 2020-03-19 at 18.16.16 (1)Dear Readers,

I think I will stick to the daily pattern of blogging followed by most bloggers. I’ll post about a particular day the next day so I can blog about the whole day and not miss out about the later part of the day and what I’m doing then.

The featured picture of this blog was taken ages ago and I love this picture so much. Just looking at this picture puts me at ease instantly. I understand that I’m not really that great at clicking pictures but I’m learning everyday and I’m trying to get better at them.

My day two of being quarantined was extremellyyyyyyy boring. There were moments in the day where I literally just sat down and stared at the wall not knowing what to do. I did a few chores in the house though and I cleaned my bookshelf. I arranged my bookshelf in accordance to the books I want to finish reading by the end of this year. Which I hopefully do. I spent hours on the phone talking to my close friends which was fun and something I enjoyed a lot. I still have a lot of things to do but I’m just procrastinating them so I can do them slowly everyday.

I realised something really important. I mean I always knew the importance of properly worded sentences but I never really implemented it in my life for some reason. I have always been the one who just says things abruptly without really worrying about the consequences or understanding how that would impact another human being. Because I was always under the impression that I’m telling them what I feel, unfiltered.

I learnt yesterday how important it is for a human being to form properly worded sentences and how important it is to not put your feelings on another human feeling because feelings are subjective. They are not truly fully responsible for making you feel the way you do. You have a hand to play in your own feelings as well. It is important to let the other person understand how you’re feeling and you’re entitled to let them know how you feel, but that’s about it. It was quite cool that I understood this yesterday!

I hope things get better soon. What are you all doing at home? What do you think about this blog? Leave your views in the comment section below. Hope you all are safe and are not ill. Take care and be happy!

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

84. Day One

WhatsApp Image 2020-03-19 at 18.16.16Dear Readers,

To be honest the last few days were spent panicking about my attendance because of the number of sick leaves I’d taken and sorting out the notes I’d missed. I was internally going through two issues that took me a while understand. When I finally did, I didn’t speak about it with anyone and I kept it to myself.

I could slowly start seeing the change in my behaviour because I was getting more and more frustrated with everyone around me. And I didn’t like that I was changing. So what I did was I said both those issues to people I trust. And to be honest that was so bloody liberating. I’m so so glad that I finally opened up and told someone what I’m feeling. My biggest fear now is that nothing will be done now that I opened up about it.

Apart from that, you all obviously know about the CoronaVirus. You all understand how scary this is. I hope you all are safe and are taking all the precautionary measures. I hope you or nobody you know are affected by it. I’m sorry if they are and I hope they get better soon.

Since I live in India, the number of people infected are luckily quite less in comparison to a few other countries. I hope the numbers don’t change and start reducing in India and the rest of the world.

So I had college till yesterday (mainly because I’m a part of a medical college) and from today till at least the end of this month, I won’t have to go to college.

I was kinda gutted that I’ll have to stay home because it’s been so long since I’ve stayed at home and not done anything especially for this long. I’ve only stayed at home if I was ill or if I had to study. And honestly I was a little scared because I didn’t want to face my thoughts that I’ve conveniently chosen to suppress all along. But last night, I got a bit drunk and I spoke it all out which lead to my second paragraph of this blog post. It was so liberating and I slept like a baby!

Today is officially my first day of being in the house. I woke a little late. Went to a bookstore and bought a couple of books. Came back and had a tummy filling lunch. I literally sat with the phone on my bed for at least 6 hours and I ended up feeling guilty because I didn’t do much. I watched the Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s address to the nation regarding COVID-19.

I have a lot of things to do, I procrastinated them all and ended up doing nothing. It was by far the most boring day I’ve had in a long time. I hope things get better soon. And I hope I learn to fight the boredom and fight for things in general.

That’s all for today. Please tell me how things are at your place and how are you doing in the comment section below. Stay safe and try to be as healthy as possible. Loads of love and positive vibes being sent your way.

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

83. Hi, Again

WhatsApp Image 2020-03-08 at 16.53.06Dear Readers,

Well, a lot of things happened from my graduation till now. But I’ve been lazy or sick to sit and write about them. So, here are the highlights:

My graduation went really well. I am a proud Bachelor’s degree holder. I had so much fun that night. The dinner with some of my friends and my teachers will be something that I’ll always cherish. I had an amazing weekend after that. I’d completed two years of something that I cannot be more proud of.

I drew my first ever mandal:

WhatsApp Image 2020-03-08 at 18.53.11 (1)

Drawing this mandal was probably the most therapeutic thing I learnt to do on my own. Probably not the best looking mandals, though. After this, I started changing things. I started learning to get more interested in things I’d lost interest in. I started developing a more positive outlook on life. There were people around me who were only negative and that started getting to me. I got advice from valuable sources and started changing that as well.

I then went for my first ever calligraphy class:WhatsApp Image 2020-03-08 at 18.53.11

Excuse the shabby spots and lines on the paper. Attending this was so much fun. I am so glad I could go. I found this to be supremely therapeutic as well. I’ll continue this for as long as I can. The next day I drove (alone for the second time) to the nearby mall to watch a movie with a dear friend which was fun. I also got the chance to clear the air and that felt really nice especially because it came from the bottom of my heart.

The first of March started off really nice. I got the chance to go back to my college where I did my Bachelor’s to attend a conference. I again got the chance to spend time with my professors and gain insights. It was a brilliant day!

After this, things went spiraling down. I fell sick. I couldn’t attend an exam. I was better by the weekend. Then again I fell sick on Thursday and I’ve been sick since. I couldn’t attend another exam. And this time when I fell sick, it was severe and scary considering what’s going on in the news. But I’m better today. Fever’s come down. I’m obviously still tired and not fit enough, but I’m much better compared to yesterday and the day before.

Well this is about me. The priority for this week would be to get healthy and catch up on everything that I’ve been procrastinating for so long and check all my boxes on my to-do list. How’re things going with y’all? What have y’all been upto? Please share your views in the comment section below and also like and share! Hope you all have a great week ahead 🙂

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

82. Graduation Week

PhotoGrid_1581322639093Dear readers,

This above picture was taken a long long time back when I had attended a workshop on photography that was organised by my college. This was the best picture of that day. I remember quite well that I didn’t really know how to click pictures and I was meddling with the settings on my camera and I ended up clicking this beautiful picture. This is one picture that I’m most proud of.

With regards to the week that went by, I’m still struggling with finding the motivation to do anything. All I want to do is sit and while away time. I have started working out (15 minutes a day at home). My sleep is getting better, I’m able to get at least 5-7 hours of sleep everyday. My appetite is also increasing. So things are not worse than last month and in fact taking a turn for the better.

Things that are priority for me this month are studying, reading books, working out and reducing social media usage. It’ll be the best month if I do these four things on a daily basis starting day after tomorrow (from 12th February).

In my previous blog (blog#81) I mentioned that I have my graduation in February. So my graduation is tomorrow (11th February). I’ll be getting my Bachelor’s of Science degree in Psychology. I didn’t get the marks because I didn’t work for them and I’m working towards not making the same mistakes in my PG. I’m ecstatic because I learnt a lot of things in this college where I did my bachelors. People claim that school is better than college for them but it was the other way around for me. I loved my college. I love the friends I made there (and I’m fully aware of the fact that they’re not going to be with me throughout my life but the memories I’ve made with them will be something nobody can take away). I like who I became after joining that college. I love my professors. So no, no regrets whatsoever.

Let’s hope that tomorrow and the next few weeks of this month goes by really well. Hope you all had a good week and hope you all have an amazing week ahead. Let me know thoughts in the comment section below.

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

81. How My January Went

Blog Post

Dear readers,

January was by far the most stressful month of my life. Stressful in terms of being anxious, afraid and majorly sleep deprived. I have no regrets. I don’t hate January for being so stressful. Would I have enjoyed it better if I didn’t have anxiety attacks? Sure. Would I have liked to sleep better? Definitely. But still, I have no regrets.

I think it’s gotten to the point where (I know it’s not a thing but) I’m emotionally self harming myself by putting myself through this vicious cycle of:

I want to be better – something bad happens – I think of all the negative outcomes – I start panicking – I end up having an anxiety/panic attack – things go haywire from there – it takes almost more than 15 days to get back to normalcy – I want to be better – something bad/stressful happens again.

And honestly, I don’t know how to get out of it.

BUT. On the positive note, a few AMAZING things happened in January like:

  1. I hit 2K followers on my blog. From the bottom of my heart, thank you to every single one of you who hit follow. Means the world to me.
  2. I got some clarity about what I can possibly end up doing after my post-graduation.
  3. I got an invite for my bachelor’s graduation/convocation. It kinda sucked because I thought I wouldn’t be able to go, but by the end of the month, I finally could confirm that I can go for my bachelor’s graduation. I’ll be getting my degree on February 11th. Even though there are a few complications, I am so so excited about that. Because it’s my graduation day and it’s the day that is going to make feel like I’ve done something worthwhile and have done some pretty cool things. And plus, I get to wear the graduation robe and cap.
  4. I met my professors who have taught me so much and mean the world to me.
  5. I have become more confident in terms of what I want to say and I’m still trying to still learn how to properly say everything in a way that wouldn’t hurt others.
  6. Academically, I have learnt so much and seen so many new cases and patients and I’m learning a lot from this one professor who patiently explains every single question of mine.
  7. I don’t know if it’s a good thing but I’m becoming more empathetic and I’m liking it.
  8. I have to thank A, A, M, D, N and P for being through this with me this entire month, I know I may have left them feeling helpless, but them just being there for me without any judgements, opinions and understanding what I was going through (without expecting that I’d act normal) meant the world to me.
  9. I did bunk a few classes which seemed exciting and fun.
  10. I also went to a pub and a restobar for the first time with my parents and that’s pretty dope.
  11. And lastly, my brother came home after what felt like a decade.

Exactly why I meant that I have no regrets. There’s always a silver lining. We just have to have the patience to wait for it and realise it. It’s already February. But the first two days of February I spent in college, I felt bad, I cried and I went out with my mom. So tomorrow is the third. I’m not going to be able to be hyper and fully positive because I’ll be getting less sleep tonight. But from tomorrow, I’m changing a few things. The first few days is going to be hard, I agree. But, I’ll learn to adjust to it.

Hope you had an amazing month. Please do tell me about your month in the comment section below and your views about this blog in general. Have a great February and an amazing week ahead. I personally am very excited for this month.

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

80. Goodbye 2019

Dear Readers,

Today’s the 31st of December, 2019. I wanted to write a blog on Sunday like I normally do but I thought I’ll write it on the last day of the year. Well, the year 2019 has had a lot of downs but an equal number of ups as well.

It’s been a year of extremities. I’ve either been extremely happy or I’ve been extremely unhappy. Looking back, I honestly don’t know how I feel about this year. I hate it but I also love it. I can’t make up my mind. But what I do know and honestly believe that I’m okay with whatever happened. I made my peace with it. I did learn a lot of things from both, the bad and the good experiences. I learnt how I want to live my life next year and what I want to avoid doing the next year.

This year has been a lot of firsts for me and I love that I did those things irrespective of how fearful it may have seemed. They are definitely the highlights of my year and they are without a shadow of a doubt my most cherished memories of this year. These things are the reason why my year doesn’t seem that bad. I woke up this morning and I was ecstatic about who aren’t in my life anymore and who still are.

This next year is going to be crazily tough if certain things don’t happen. I sincerely hope and wish that what I want to happen should happen. I’ll be heartbroken if it doesn’t. I know it’s silly to have such fixed expectations but I need them to happen. Either plan A or plan B. Let’s see how the year 2020 unfolds.

I will be writing a list of things I will work to change everyday of the year in my personal journal. I will also be writing a list of things I want to achieve in the year 2020. Thank you C, P, A, A, L, K, P, P, S, D, T, M, J, R, L, A, V and M for being in my life. Some of them played a role only for like a part of the year and some of them have stayed throughout and they’re still a major part of my life. (to maintain discretion I’ve used the starting letter of their names)

Hope you all have an amazing year ahead. I hope your year did go well. What is it that you learnt from the year 2019 and what do you feel about the new year?

With loads of love and best wishes I wish you all a very happy new year.

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

79. Passive Leeches

Dear readers,

This week, I got a lot of work done in terms of bringing structure to my life. I did have free time to be able to work and binge-watch the show ‘The Big Bang Theory’ for the third time. On Friday, (20th December, 2019) I got my nose pierced. I’ve been meaning to get my nose pierced ever since I was a child and I finally got it done. So YAY. I played my first game of chess in a long long time. This week I thought I’ll talk about an experience that I’ve had difficulty letting go.

A little paragraph to better understand the writer: Me, as a person, I have this tendency to explain things. I need to explain why I am feeling what I am feeling. I need to explain if someone asks me a question. I need to elaborate. If someone asks me if I’m fine, I’ll explain why I’m fine or why I’m not fine. This need for elaboration often lands me in trouble. I feel like people don’t like explanations. I think people like everything to be short and sweet. Nobody wants an essay about what’s currently going on in their life. Nobody gives a shit anymore. That’s where I guess my love and fascination towards blogging increased. Because here I can say anything without a word limit. So what I’m explaining is what I’m feeling basically, in all my blogs. 

So there’s this concept that I’ve formed of people whom I’d like to call ‘passive leeches’. They have a way of leeching off other people’s success passively, owning the success like they’re the ones who’ve put in the hardwork and destroying everyone around them. They have a few qualities which would include having parents who are loaded with money, the ability to own the best things, the ability to dress well, the ability to walk in a room with 100% confidence and the ability to show everyone that they know it all. For better understanding; these passive leeches act like they’ve read and understood Ayn Rand when in fact all they’ve been able to read are Enid Blyton’s books and sometimes, I feel like they don’t even understand them.

I’ve known quite a few passive leeches in my life. Most of them don’t really affect me that much. I’ll explain a few things these Passive Leeches have done to me. These people make me feel bad for being smart. These people who have never understood Enid Blyton have the audacity to call me stupid for reading Ayn Rand. It’s almost ironical and amusing. These people have made me feel bad for working hard.

These people call me stupid for enjoying explaining things to people (refer to the beginning for the post). These people make me feel bad because of the colour of my skin. These people make me feel bad about having a clear skin. These people take my assignments, copy them word to word and gets better marks than me. These people steal my ideas and use them to get better marks. These people told me that I’ll look like shit if I get my nose pierced. These people seek out for my help and my notes to help them pass an exam but don’t have the decency to acknowledge the fact that I’m helping them.

If I am honest, I’m getting a little tired of people like them. Because it got to a point where I started defining my worth yet again and changing the way I’ve lived my life because of passive leeches like them (not in a huge way but in a way that affected my life). 

I know for a fact that I’m more evolved that they are. I am not going to let them define or change who I am. I am not worthless. I may not be confrontational but I am definitely done letting the be an important part of my life. I don’t care if this makes me look snobbish or proud.

I’ve had this blog idea for almost the last 3-4 months, but I didn’t have the time to execute it properly. Now that I had the time I thought I’ll write it down. I hope you all had a great week. May the upcoming week be filled with joy, happiness and productivity. Also I know it’s almost 3.5 days early but MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY. Have a lovely cozy Christmas!

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

77. December’19

Dear Readers,

It’s been a while since I have come online and blogged about my life. This whole year has been a lot shitty but I have learnt so much and I have accepted so much. And maybe since I am going to be done with 2019 soon and maybe because I do see a future and have plans for the future, I have started feeling a little positive and it’s making me a lot more excited that I have ever been this entire year.

As far as blogging is concerned, I did have plans for this blog, but unfortunately I have not been able to achieve them this year. I can try again from now on though.

As far as my college and my course is concerned, I have officially finished my first semester of MSc. Clinical Psychology. Since, I was ill and hadn’t attended college for almost two weeks, my attendance was way below the expected requirement. So, I’m not allowed/eligible to write one paper. For the first time in my life, I have an arrear paper. I was a little disappointed, but I made my peace with it.

I’ve literally been busy with going to college, coming back from college, sitting in class, eating and sleeping, I haven’t really gotten the chance to spend some time with friends or family or just chill. After so many months, I spent the entirety of yesterday doing nothing.

This week, I have 5 finals in a span of 5 days. I have no idea how I am going to cope with it and if I’ll pass. I am extremely nervous but I’m also looking forward to getting done with this 6 out of 7 papers, so I can read books and play games after. I have so many pending books (literally 3 small cupboard filled with books) that I want to read.

Aaaand, it’s December, alreadyyyyy! I can’t believe this year is about to end. Are you all excited that Christmas is just round the corner? What are your christmas traditions? Which is most memorable Christmas ever and why? What have you all been upto? Hope you all had a great first week and may the next three weeks be filled with joy and happiness. Happy Sunday, everybody!

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

75. Health Scare

Dear Readers,

I had the biggest health scare of my life this week. A major portion of my body’s skin had a yellow tint. After a few medications, immediate diet control and a few tests we found out that my body’s haemoglobin count is very low. I was extremely overwhelmed for major part of the week and I distracted myself by playing a lot games of Call Of Duty. On the bright side, I’m pretty good at shooting games. But otherwise, I was shiting bricks at home.

Yesterday, I had to go to the doctor and get my medical leave certificate to give to my university. A special mention to the kindest, most logical doctor who treats patients out of the goodness of his heart.

Everything aside, I am on medications for the next 20 days at least. I have been given a quite flexible diet but I need to include more iron and protein rich foods in my everyday meals and more of water intake because of the medicines I’m taking.

This is probably the most scared I have ever been with regards to my health.

I also began reading again. I started with a book that I’ve already read, titled: ‘Tuesdays With Morrie’ by Mitch Albom. I absolutely loved the book the first time I’d read it. So, I thought I’d read it again to get me out of this reading rut that I put myself in.

After writing this blog, I thought I’ll go for a nice cold shower and then sort my things out for my first day back to college after a week. I’ll also make a daily-to-do list and a general to-do list for this upcoming week.

That’s what I’ve been up to I guess. What have y’all been up to? How was your week? What plans for the upcoming week? I hope y’all had a good weekend.

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

32. Distance

Dear readers,

This week was interesting. I got my first ever salary. I got nominated for the Virtual Blogger Awards, thanks to GailLovesGod. Didn’t really study as much as I wanted to. But I did go to the gym 6 out of 7 days. Didn’t read/complete any book, yet again. Did play a lot of PlayStation, though.

Distance. People are so afraid of distance. Not me. I love distance. The closer you get, the farther I push you away. And if I let you get close to me, it means that I believe you wouldn’t go to the extent of hurting me. But, let’s be practical for a minute and understand that bad things happen. So, if I let you get close to me, it also means that I am okay with being hurt by you and I’m ready to go to the grind. I’ll still push the individual away sometimes, unintentionally and if the person really cared, they’ll come around. Otherwise, it was just not meant to me.

Distance in relationships sometimes helps the relationship get stronger. And this goes for any kind of relationship. Okay, maybe too much distance is not good as well because we all know how important proximity is for a relationship to work. But constant touch with the individual even through a call or text can safeguard the relationship from reaching the breaking point. Basically, it is important to know what’s happening in the other’s life for the relationship to succeed. It’s when one stops caring enough to know what’s happening, the relationship doesn’t stand a chance of survival. Sometimes, it’s not about how close (in terms of numerical measurements) you are to the individual and more about how close (in terms of emotional attachments) you are to the individual.

So, if you really want a relationship to work, I don’t think distance, proximity or anything for that matter can be a cause for it to not work.

Distance for a person, in general is also very important. The same monotonous pattern can lead to stagnation. So, distance from your work, distance from your family (sometimes), distance from who you choose to be every single day of your life, distance from the same old faces that you see regularly is important, in my opinion, for a happy, content and smooth life. A little distance did hurt nobody. Please do share your thoughts. Have a great week. See you, next Sunday.

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

31. What next?

Dear readers,

It’s true when they say that change is the only thing constant in life. I am a walking-talking example of change because my life changes on a regular basis. I don’t have a fixed pattern and I don’t think I ever will. And I love that about my life.

Steve Jobs once said, “You can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect the dots looking backwards. So you will have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in the future.

So, now looking back, every major change in my life has always started with me reading a phrase/sentence or someone telling me a phrase/sentence that sparks something in me and eventually leads to a major change in life.

The first major change that happened, was when I was extremely low, mildly depressed and had zero self-esteem. Someone told me then that with time everything will be alright. And with time, I’ll learn how to be perfectly fine with who I am and with time I’ll be happy.

And with time, I did eventually learn how to be happy.

Once I’d learnt that, a few weeks later, when I was having a deep conversation with somebody we got to talking about the people in our life and how important it is to have the right set of persons by your side. And how the right set of persons are an important factor to that said search of happiness.

And once I realised who really matters and who are on my priority list, life became much simpler and my happiness meter went up a notch.

After a few months, I felt something was lacking. And when discussed, someone told me that maybe I need to more with my time and be more productive and have a few things to do on a daily basis. I started doing more. I enrolled in a few classes. Some long term. Some short term. I try to keep myself busy as much as I can.

Now, that everything seems fine and everything feels right, I heard this line that struck a chord. That line goes like this – “if you feel like you are doing something right for a long period of time, then you’re doing something wrong”.

Which brings me to my next quest. What am I doing wrong? Where have I gone wrong? What should I do now? What should I do differently? What should I change about my life now?

Someone told me to hang in there and continue doing whatever it is I am doing. And put more effort in things that I’m already doing. Agreed. Maybe more effort is what I need to focus on. But that is where my head is at. Let’s see how putting in effort plays out in connecting the dots. That’s all for this week. Please share your thoughts on this blog. Have a great week ahead.

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

30. Meh

Dear readers,

I didn’t really want to pick my brains and write anything. But I didn’t want to not post. Because this blog is one thing that matters to me the most and if I am unable to commit to this then I’m not really sure I’d know what I stand for. This coming week, I’m going to ask for something. Something I’ve wanted ever since I can remember but never had the opportunity or the guts to ask. I hope I get a yes. Even if it’s a no, it’s fine. I’m asking for it either way. Have a great and productive week ahead.

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

29. Passion – A Want For More

Dear readers,

Nothing much happened this week. Every morning, I went for my dance class. I officially got my first job, this week (genuinely not boasting, just wanted to write this because I was so happy when I found out) I found out that there is something wrong with my shin. I hope nothing severe. I cleaned the two drawers that had all my old notes and journals in. I found so many things that bear no significance now. That’s life, isn’t it? So, as I was going through my stuff, I found so many poems that I had written but I never had the guts to show it to anyone because I never thought they were good enough. But now, I do not care if they’re good enough or not, I thought I’ll post one this week.

So, there is no background story to this poem. I wrote this on the train when I travelled alone for the first time ever. My iPod ran out of charge. There was no phone signal for me to text or call someone. I finished the book I wanted to read on the train. So, I decided to write this poem.

PASSION – A WANT FOR MORE

When life knocks you down you get back up,
Why? Because PASSION.

Because your soul is filled with passion.
Passion to get back on your feet and do it all over again.

Passion is a fire-filled soul,
which will lead you to your goal.

No matter what, you shall be strong,
Strong enough to tell right from wrong,
Strong enough and brave enough to sing your own song.

Passion will give you the courage to be courageous,
and the power to be gracious.

Passion will give you the high that no drug can,
and it’s as cheap as sitting under the sun and getting a tan.

Passion found me and I found passion,
Mainly because I was yearning for it and paying attention.

Passion is so uncommon because people are
ready to settle down and are content with just inexpensive cars.

Where did all the will to grow and flow,
and to enjoy every bit of life, go?

Yes, I find joy in little things, which doesn’t mean,
that I don’t aim for the stars and want to be seen.

Look for passion because it is not always at your door,
Find it, treasure it, don’t lose it, and always, want for more.

Fun fact: I read this poem on my first ever Open Mic event I participated in. I have stage-fright, so I forgot the lines on stage and ended up reading the latter half from the sheet I carried. Hope you liked it. I am open to criticism. Let me know how you feel about my poem. Hope you had a great week. Have a great and productive week ahead.

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.