101. Self-Reflection

Dear Readers,

Hello everyone! I know it’s been a while since I posted after my 100th blog. I kinda took some time off because I wanted to do so many things with my blog and I feel like I kinda went overboard and got a little bit too excited for it all. I do plan on executing them but I just want the perfect start and I feel like I should not overburden myself and bring in my need of idealism to affect the number of posts I put out there.

I just turned 22 on August 3rd. I had a good “lockdown” birthday. I video-called people that couldn’t be here for my birthday. I went out with my friend for a drive. I had fun at home with my parents. Overall, amazing day!

And, I came on here just to tell you all that I’m ecstatic. I’m so so so so happy. I’m in a good place.

This need/desire to be in a good place has been there for as long as I can remember. There aren’t many things that I haven’t tried.

After years and years of trial and error, I can finally say that it’s been a month since I’ve had negative thoughts, it has been 5 months since I had my last panic attack and it has been 3 months since I let myself voluntarily engage in this thoughts/feelings.

How did I come out of this?

Honestly it was about training the monkey in my head. It took me almost 9 years to reach this place. And I know that I’m not completely “healed” or “I’ve fought all my demons”. But, I have reach this place that’s better and can facilitate a more positive, forthcoming and safe environment so that I can learn to be better and keep growing!

I’d also like to explain what mood-trackers are. So mood-trackers are essentially you keeping a track of your overall mood of the day. People usually create a monthly tracker or yearly tracker. I usually do a monthly mood-tracker.

To give you an example, the following picture is my monthly mood-tracker for July, 2020. You can get creative and you create a mood-tracker with ice-creams or rain drops. Literally anything.

Let me know if you try your very own mood-trackers. You can tag me on instagram or twitter.

How have you all been? What’s up with you lot?

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

83. Hi, Again

WhatsApp Image 2020-03-08 at 16.53.06Dear Readers,

Well, a lot of things happened from my graduation till now. But I’ve been lazy or sick to sit and write about them. So, here are the highlights:

My graduation went really well. I am a proud Bachelor’s degree holder. I had so much fun that night. The dinner with some of my friends and my teachers will be something that I’ll always cherish. I had an amazing weekend after that. I’d completed two years of something that I cannot be more proud of.

I drew my first ever mandal:

WhatsApp Image 2020-03-08 at 18.53.11 (1)

Drawing this mandal was probably the most therapeutic thing I learnt to do on my own. Probably not the best looking mandals, though. After this, I started changing things. I started learning to get more interested in things I’d lost interest in. I started developing a more positive outlook on life. There were people around me who were only negative and that started getting to me. I got advice from valuable sources and started changing that as well.

I then went for my first ever calligraphy class:WhatsApp Image 2020-03-08 at 18.53.11

Excuse the shabby spots and lines on the paper. Attending this was so much fun. I am so glad I could go. I found this to be supremely therapeutic as well. I’ll continue this for as long as I can. The next day I drove (alone for the second time) to the nearby mall to watch a movie with a dear friend which was fun. I also got the chance to clear the air and that felt really nice especially because it came from the bottom of my heart.

The first of March started off really nice. I got the chance to go back to my college where I did my Bachelor’s to attend a conference. I again got the chance to spend time with my professors and gain insights. It was a brilliant day!

After this, things went spiraling down. I fell sick. I couldn’t attend an exam. I was better by the weekend. Then again I fell sick on Thursday and I’ve been sick since. I couldn’t attend another exam. And this time when I fell sick, it was severe and scary considering what’s going on in the news. But I’m better today. Fever’s come down. I’m obviously still tired and not fit enough, but I’m much better compared to yesterday and the day before.

Well this is about me. The priority for this week would be to get healthy and catch up on everything that I’ve been procrastinating for so long and check all my boxes on my to-do list. How’re things going with y’all? What have y’all been upto? Please share your views in the comment section below and also like and share! Hope you all have a great week ahead 🙂

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.