96. Day 31

Dear Readers,

Today is day 31 (18th April 2020). I was quite busy this week and had a lot to do. This week was probably the most productive I’ve been so far during this lockdown period.

This has nothing to do with me wanting to make the best use of the time given to me. This has to do with my own need to be productive. So, don’t think that I am restricting myself to not “have fun”.

As weird as it sounds, I love working. Work is fun for me. Be it my college work or like work in general. The only thing that often gets to me is the time factor. I need to figure out how to balance all this “work” so that I can get equal preference to each “work”.

So currently working on the “balancing” aspect is what I need to do this weekend. I did take some time this week to do some calligraphy work.

WhatsApp Image 2020-04-18 at 20.10.19

I’m still learning and, I made a lot of mistakes as you can see. But I enjoyed writing it. I’m a little afraid to do it more regularly because I’ll run out of ink soon. I’ll focus more on the mandalas.

I could have not posted this and waited for a good picture (when I write a good one) to post. But, I thought that posting this picture will give you an idea of where I’m starting off from and hopefully when I do get better, you’ll see the difference as well. If any of you are into calligraphy, I’d love it if you could give me tips on how I can improve and whether it’s okay to use ink (that’s used for regular ink pens) for practice (keeping in mind that I’ll soon be running out of ink that I’ve been told is used for calligraphy)?

I’m learning a lot from the writing work that I’ve recently gotten myself into. It’s helping me learn more about another field, and it’s helping me become a better writer. I love what I’m doing. But again, I need to learn how to balance this work and the other aspects of my life (I don’t mean watching TV shows, because that has never been a priority for me).

I haven’t created a monthly to-do list so far. I’m going to make an almost half-month plan starting from Monday. Now that I can’t make any excuses of “having a lot of work to do”, I hope I can do all the tasks every day.

On a different note, my college extended the leave until 17th May and the country lockdown has been extended for 2 more weeks. But, our online classes start on Monday, which is going to be fun, I hope. 

Hope you’re all safe and doing the things that you’re supposed to be doing. Staying at home is not only required for your own safety but for everyone in the world collectively. It’s beautiful how the majority of us are staying home and doing their bits.

Not to mention the commendable work by all the front liners in various roles is risking their lives for us collectively. I don’t think we’ll ever be able to repay the work their doing (irrespective of a few individuals saying that “it’s their job” or “they chose this profession” or “we’re clapping and appreciating them”).

I hope all of you can see the positive side of this rather than focusing on the negatives. (I know it can be easier said than done, but please do try). If you just want to talk my comment section and email (if you want to talk privately) is always available for all of you.

How are you all doing? It’s been a week since I came online on WordPress, and I already feel like I missed out on a lot of new content. I hope to read more and write more often. Stay home and stay love. Sending loads of love and positivity your way!

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

81. How My January Went

Blog Post

Dear readers,

January was by far the most stressful month of my life. Stressful in terms of being anxious, afraid and majorly sleep deprived. I have no regrets. I don’t hate January for being so stressful. Would I have enjoyed it better if I didn’t have anxiety attacks? Sure. Would I have liked to sleep better? Definitely. But still, I have no regrets.

I think it’s gotten to the point where (I know it’s not a thing but) I’m emotionally self harming myself by putting myself through this vicious cycle of:

I want to be better – something bad happens – I think of all the negative outcomes – I start panicking – I end up having an anxiety/panic attack – things go haywire from there – it takes almost more than 15 days to get back to normalcy – I want to be better – something bad/stressful happens again.

And honestly, I don’t know how to get out of it.

BUT. On the positive note, a few AMAZING things happened in January like:

  1. I hit 2K followers on my blog. From the bottom of my heart, thank you to every single one of you who hit follow. Means the world to me.
  2. I got some clarity about what I can possibly end up doing after my post-graduation.
  3. I got an invite for my bachelor’s graduation/convocation. It kinda sucked because I thought I wouldn’t be able to go, but by the end of the month, I finally could confirm that I can go for my bachelor’s graduation. I’ll be getting my degree on February 11th. Even though there are a few complications, I am so so excited about that. Because it’s my graduation day and it’s the day that is going to make feel like I’ve done something worthwhile and have done some pretty cool things. And plus, I get to wear the graduation robe and cap.
  4. I met my professors who have taught me so much and mean the world to me.
  5. I have become more confident in terms of what I want to say and I’m still trying to still learn how to properly say everything in a way that wouldn’t hurt others.
  6. Academically, I have learnt so much and seen so many new cases and patients and I’m learning a lot from this one professor who patiently explains every single question of mine.
  7. I don’t know if it’s a good thing but I’m becoming more empathetic and I’m liking it.
  8. I have to thank A, A, M, D, N and P for being through this with me this entire month, I know I may have left them feeling helpless, but them just being there for me without any judgements, opinions and understanding what I was going through (without expecting that I’d act normal) meant the world to me.
  9. I did bunk a few classes which seemed exciting and fun.
  10. I also went to a pub and a restobar for the first time with my parents and that’s pretty dope.
  11. And lastly, my brother came home after what felt like a decade.

Exactly why I meant that I have no regrets. There’s always a silver lining. We just have to have the patience to wait for it and realise it. It’s already February. But the first two days of February I spent in college, I felt bad, I cried and I went out with my mom. So tomorrow is the third. I’m not going to be able to be hyper and fully positive because I’ll be getting less sleep tonight. But from tomorrow, I’m changing a few things. The first few days is going to be hard, I agree. But, I’ll learn to adjust to it.

Hope you had an amazing month. Please do tell me about your month in the comment section below and your views about this blog in general. Have a great February and an amazing week ahead. I personally am very excited for this month.

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.